My journey.

Inspired by all the posts I've been reading about those bloggers out there who are on their own journeys to a healthy body, I thought I'd share my own journey.

From about age 10 on, I was a chubby kid, as proven in my recently shared photo from 1990 here.  In high school, I thinned out a bit but was never really thin, just average.  Here's me circa 1996.  Pretty sure Sonic Youth would've revoked my fan club membership for this photo. So uncool, Alicia.

I had been on the tennis team in high school but was not really very athletic.  It was fun but mostly just a social outlet for me.  I really knew nothing about exercise until I went to college. Once in college, I joined a gym and quickly became a gym rat and started shaping up.  This was great but I became too obsessed and quickly developed an unhealthy relationship with food.  I just didn't get it.  I was starving myself and ended up in the hospital twice because of what the diet pills I was taking did to my heart.  Crazy. Again, so uncool, Alicia.  Here's a pic of me at, oh, about 21.  (Barbara Streisand and I were just kickin' it at the wax museum in Vegas.)  Probably about 125 lbs. Totally appropriate weight but killing myself to stay there.  I didn't know how or what to eat and I was spending sometimes 5 hours at the gym a day.  Did I mention that I worked at Gold's Gym back then, too.  That gym was my whole life in those days.

I soon met my sweet husband and we were married about a year later.  I felt healthy and happy but I still hadn't gotten a grasp on appropriate nutrition. About 140 here on our wedding day (Aug. 2000.)

Right after we were married I started gaining weight.  I got a full-time job, stopped exercising and soon (within 2 months of our wedding) had my drug-addicted baby sister living with us as we tried getting her help.  I was super stressed and I ATE! Within a few months, I had gained about 15 lbs and was at about 155 lbs.  Here I am at about 155.  Firstborn was 2 here. He's now almost 8.  So, about 6 years ago.  I stayed at this weight (minus when I was pregnant) for about the first 5 years of our marriage.  I wanted to lose weight and tried several times unsuccessfully.  I just seemed to always end up back at 155.

After Little Red was born (in Aug. 2005), I was hoping that some of the weight I had gained while pregnant would just melt off but 3-4 months after he was born, I still weighed 180 lbs.  Way too much for my 5'5" frame.  I remember the day this picture (with my Mom) was taken. You wouldn't guess it but I had a girdle on under that sweater, trying to suck it all in.  I felt so defeated.

 

I was SO unhappy. I was taking care of a newborn, suffering from postpartum depression and my oldest had just been diagnosed with autism, which brought along a whole new set of struggles. My life felt really out of control.  And I was in a downward spiral. I had seen the doctor and he had given me a prescription for an anti-depressant.  I wasn't sure about getting it filled so I talked to Thai Guy about it.  He suggested that I exhaust all my other options before deciding to rely on a pill to make me happy.   I have to admit, I was disappointed at first.  I was looking for a quick fix but he was looking out for my best interest.  I'm so thankful that he gave me that gentle push I needed to take control of my life again.  I read Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution and began making small, healthy changes in my eating habits. We then bought a treadmill and I began run/walking while my baby napped everyday.  Within 6 months, I lost 50 lbs and had run my first 5k. I was finally feeling like myself again.  I was smaller than the day we got married! And that felt good! I began making time for me everyday and I was becoming the mommy and wife that I wanted to be.  It was like a revelation!  That was 4 years ago and I have been able to keep my weight between 127-135 lbs since.  Right now, I'm at 132.  This pic is from my half-marathon finish in Sept. (Also, 132 here.)

 

I always have a goal to eat better or tone up or lose a little here or there.  My journey is not over. It continues everyday and I just feel so blessed that I've had the strength to make it to where I am now.  I would have never believed it if you had told 25 year old Alicia that I would be a marathoner at 32.  I'm so thankful for my body and that I have an opportunity to treat it the way it deserves to be treated.  I am healthy and strong and couldn't be happier with the direction I've chosen for my life. Life is good!